roar deal

On Monday my school teacher Mrs Y.S told me I wasn't well and that I wasn't to go to school the next day. (Actually all I had was a runny nose but show me a 3 year old that hasn't?) But when I got home I kept telling Mummy I wasn't well because Mrs Y.S told me so. I told Mummy chocolate would make me better. She didn't give me any. I think Mummy was quite pleased she didn't have to take me to school the next day as she said we could have a lion. A lion? Is she mad? I like lions but I don't think I want want as a pet. I want a puppy. A fluffy puppy not a lion. She then said lie-in not LION. Oh! I said. What's a lie-in? Apparently a lie-in would a morning when me and my little sister don't wake at 7:00 and shout Daddy/Mummy but instead woke at 8:00. Mummy things that would be an amazing lie-in. I am now thinking a lion would actually be quite a cool pet.

I'm really liking school. I like it almost as much as trip to Asda (not). Nursery School is exciting and there are always lots to do and play with. There are boys and girls there but I don't really like the boys or at least I pretend not to as obviously they don't like pink. I actually do like boys. I don't have a favourite school boy yet but Ruben my cousin is one of my favourite. I love him and told him so. When Mummy and my little sister picked me up from school I heard my friend John say to his mummy that he wanted Fish and Chips. Of course I then wanted them too. I didn't want orange chips (Mummy sometimes chips sweet potato - yuck) I wanted white chips. I did whinge a little and I was a little demanding and to my surprise Mummy said she would get some. She drove everywhere looking for a chippy that was open but all the plaices were shut until 5pm. Tonight I am sad about not being able to have a Euro 2008 shirt. But what those players need is a couple of weeks in the jungle with Ant & Dec. Now that would be worth getting a t-shirt for.

groan up

Apparently I look 4 and half but feel 13 and a half but am 3 and half. Growing up is so confusing. Today me and my little sister went to visit a new nursery where I wasn't the oldest but looked the oldest. Mummy and Granny and Grandpa dropped us off then drove off. I am use to be left at places but my little sister isn't and cried every so slightly for a little bit until she found a ball. She was then happy. She can now throw a ball dead straight with either her left or right hand. Today she hit me clean on the forehead. I was a little annoyed but also quite impressed. I throw like a girl but I am a girl so that's OK isn't it? Before nursery, we saw Chrissy. We went up to her bedroom so Mummy could help her with her computer. When we got to her room, I took off most of my clothes and dressed up in her heels and wrapped myself in a gigantic net scarf. I then put on her necklaces, bracelets and earrings. I then painted nails with permanent gold marker pen, applied hand-cream then danced to Madeline Peyroux. You see, I am so grown up.

these boots are made for walking

Finally, my little sister has decided she can walk. Well almost. She finds walking so funny that when she takes steps she wibbles and wobbles and laughs so much that she falls over. So far she has managed 10 steps before landing on her knees. Mummy thinks she can walk perfectly well on her own and has been for months and only messes around with the pretending she can walk when she has an audience. I think Mummy is right. My little sister can walk across my king-size bed and jump up and down on it. Surely that's harder than walking on the solid floor? Although my little sister is not very good at walking she is very very good at throwing balls. She loves balls. Balls was her first word. She can throw a ball straight like no other girl I know. Daddy says she might be the next Fatima Whitbread. Mummy looks horrified. Does white bread make you fat ma?

smiling quince

Can you see the smiley face in the quince? I can. Mummy often sees smiley faces in things. She thinks that a part of our pear tree looks like a smiling pig. It does. It is our smiling pig pear tree. I didn't go to school on Friday which was sad. I really love school. On Friday we went to Kings Lynn to swap cars for a day. Mummy was not really very excited about spending a day there but I was. When we got to the garage they gave us a car 10 times smaller than our car. Mummy was not happy. Mummy said naughty words when she was trying to get my little sisters car seat in to the back. Naughty Mummy - I told her off. Mummy took us for a drive to show us where she lived when she was little and I saw her old school. It is bigger than mine. We then went into TKMaxx's where I tried on flippers, orange goggles a woolly cap and danced with a spotty umbrella. I love TKMaxx's. It has everything I want. I wanted some barbie roller skates but meany Mummy said NO - again. But she did say that if I wrote to Father Christmas and asked very nicely and if I am a very, very good girl he might get me a pair. I am nearly always a good girl so I hope I get some. I hope Mummy remembers...

boys boys boys

I am too grumpy to write today. I'm going to bed early to dream of Prince Charming. And NO, he's not in my class, boys in my school class are disgusting.

foraging

I went to school again today. I think I now go every day not just when Mummy feels like it. Mummy kept getting my staggered start days wrong. I think she was very embarrassed. I love school although today I got my skirt and t-shirt tugged by a boy which was not very nice was it? I love my best friend Eleanor. She is very tall and we paint and talk together. When I got home I was very tired and I wouldn't eat my lunch (again) which made Mummy moody (again). After not eating my lunch, me and my little sister went and played in the garden. My little sister found some tiny mushrooms and started picking them but I don't think she ate them although she was a little weirder than normal this afternoon. At supper I ate all my food and it had tomatoes in it. I am such a good girl.

visits

We went to hospital yesterday to see Chrissy. She isn't very well and has a chest infection. I gave her kisses and I asked her lots of questions and she gave me rides on her brilliant bed. We went up and down and up and down again. My little sister didn't have a go as she is too wriggly. When I got home I wanted to play doctors and nurses so I did. I have a doll called Nora Clippy. She has clothes pegs in her hair and now has bandages on her legs. Yesterday we also saw Grandpa, Granny and her twin sister which was quite confusing especially for my little sister who isn't as clever as me. I put on my tutu and wanted to dance with everyone but everyone wanted to talk grown-up talk. That is so boring. When no one was looking I put some make-ups on. I love make-ups and have told Mummy she can borrow mine when she is older. That is nice of me isn't it?

slug love

Slugs are the new snails. I use to love snails but I think I love slugs more. At first I was frightened but when I saw it's wiggly eyes I decided I liked it very much. Pink use to be my favourite colour but I think orange is now. Have you ever seen such a beautiful orange slug? It's so big too. The tomato isn't a cherry tomato. No. It's a baby beef tomato. That's how big my slug is.

home coming

I was at my dramatical best this evening. And I have to say I am very proud of myself. I shrieked, and spluttered lots. It was very exhausting but I wasn't going to give in. I wanted to perform. We got back from our brilliant holiday nearly a week now and I am still so very tired. When I get tired I take after Mummy, I get very cross and very shouty very easily. On our holiday no one shouted except my little sister who shouted every time we were in the car which was almost every hour of our holiday. My little sister still can not walk and I think she is jealous that I can. On the way back from our holiday I sobbed most of the way. I didn't want to go home. I thought I didn't like our house any more even if Daddy did make it. When we did get back I decided that my home is very lovely. I liked seeing the garden best of all. l couldn't believe the amount of very many mung bean plants that had grown from my seeds in Mummy's flower border. My little sister went straight to the prized plum tomatoes and picked them. I then then made a tomato kebab. oops.

returning home

We've been away at Grandma and Grandpa's M's house which was brilliant. I didn't want to come home at all and I cried and cried and cried when we did. I stood in the path up to our house and pretended to really properly cry with lots of gulps and sobs. Then our neighbour started talking to me through the fence which made me jump. I told him to be quiet and said that I wanted to cry because I wanted to, and if I wanted to then I could. My little sister was happy to be home and Mummy was happy to be at home because she didn't have to stop my little sister from falling in Grandpa's pond. Today we went to my friends Judy and Betty's huge garden and played in their brilliant Wendy house. They have a climbing frame and swing too. I don't. My lovely friends Rosie and Chrissie were there. Rosie let us jump all over her and tickle her and Chrissie had us on her lap and read us a story using funny voices. I love stories and loved sitting on Chrissie's lap and hope I can do it again very very soon.

lippy love

Our Mummy can be SO annoying sometimes. She won't let my little sister climb to the top of the stairs so then my little sister screams when she is taken away. Her scream is so annoying. Even more annoying than Mummy. But what is even more annoying than Mummy is Mummy's sudden cut down on my make-up application. I love make-up and I think I apply it pretty well for someone of my age. I know I could do it better if Mummy would let me. Granny lets me. Today Granny gave me a whole lipstick to myself. Mummy was out. It was brilliant. I was so excited. Mummy came home from shopping and she saw my blushing mouth. She was not happy. Not happy at all. She bribed me into bed saying I could apply some more once I had bathed and cleaned my teeth. So I did. I was being good. I was clean and excited. Then when I asked for bedtime lippy she said NO. That is annoying, mean and very mean. Tomorrow I won't forget about the lack of lippy. I will annoy Mummy until she cracks. She will crack. I will make sure she does.

24 hour leave

I've been a slack blogger haven't I? Learning to be a disciplined 3 year old is quite tricky but being a disciplined blogger is actually even more difficult than you would think - just ask Mummy. The last time I wrote was nearly a week ago and in that week I have been good, bad, shouty, grunty and a little sweary. I said 'get off you little bugger' when I was being tickled. Naughty aren't I? Mummy didn't react. I hate it when she doesn't react so I said it again. Still no reaction. She didn't even say 'rubber' or 'rubber-dubber' like she usually does as a way to sway me away from using the bugger word. How boring. I have actually been a little bit of an attention seeker in the last week. I have been screaming lots especially when Mummy refuses to let me do things I want, like wear mascara and her red wedge sandals. My little sister has also been screaming and screeching lots. I know she is copying me which I think is great but I know Mummy just finds that it grates. Poor Mummy. Mummy spent a night at the train station on Saturday. We dropped her off in the afternoon and then picked her at the same place the next day. When I spoke to her on the phone on the Sunday morning I thought she was Julie and when she said she was Mummy, I said it couldn't be as she was at the train station. Weird. Daddy then explained that she was with Rosie in London I admit I was a little confused and a little embarrassed. Fancy not regonising my Mummy's voice. I didn't miss Mummy much, in fact it was really good fun with Daddy. He took me and my little sister swimming in a giant paddling pool at Uncle Robs on Saturday. And the next day we went to the seaside and I went on a merry-go-round while my little sister watched. I wouldn't mind if Mummy went away more often, I think I will suggest she does.

hello snail

Yesterday, Granny gave me presents from her holiday in Spain. She bought me a flashing pen and a pink skirt. As I am 3 and a girl, pink is my favourite colour. My little sister was given a really lovely cardigan which wasn't pink but I don't think she minded. Granny and Grandpa bathed me and my little sister and then read us a bedtime story. Me and my little sister then messed about for about 1 hour and I arranged all of Mummy's fabric scraps out on our bedroom floor. I think it looked really pretty and I think Mummy did too but she didn't say so. Today we went to see my friend Lilly and her brother is my little sisters boyfriend. They flirted and then threw a Bart Simpson ball to each other. I was so please to see my wet pet snail on the concrete by the front door when I came home this afternoon. I think he was very pleased to see me too, as I gave him a huge bunch of coriander which he he ate on a piece of wood, inside on the kitchen window sill. Mummy doesn't really like me bringing in my pet snail but I think she was a little too tired to argue with me which I was a little disappointed with. But it was OK as I had a strop with Daddy instead, when I couldn't/wouldn't sit still and eat my baked beans. We didn't mess about much at bed time but I think Mummy won't be very happy when she sees I've emptied all the clothes from the wardrobe onto the floor. Oopps.

my weekend

Yesterday Daddy was working so we were stuck with just Mummy...again. But it wasn't too bad in fact it was actually quite good fun. Because it was a nice day we played outside and I made a den under the table with sheets and clothes pegs, duvets and pillows. In the afternoon I helped Mummy make a cake which I really enjoyed. Mummy said I am a better cook than Daddy which made me think daddy must be really, really bad. I also made my first cup of tea. Mummy said even that was better than Daddy's tea but I think she was just being kind as I didn't see her drink any of it. The cake we made had lemons and courgettes in and didn't rise at all which made Mummy slightly cross. Perhaps Daddy could do better? I'll ask him. Today Daddy didn't work and took me and my little sister for a walk to get the Sunday paper. I went on my scooter and my little sister sat in the buggy. When I got a little tired, my clever Daddy put my front wheel in the buggy basket so it became a buggy board. How cool is that! In the afternoon we went to see Chris and Rosie and Rosie took us to Top Shop where I wore silver platform heels and danced to Calvin Harris while my little sister looked confusedly at her reflection. Here's a joke...
Q: What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?
A: If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital...te!he!

currant lipstick

I love it when the sun shines. It makes everyone happy except my little sister or just seems to grunts lots. I taught her to grunt. It's what I do when I don't get my own way. I think my little sister does it for the same reasons but it's difficult to know really. When my little sister isn't grunting, eating and sleeping she is moving around around the garden like a crab. Today she moved in and out and in and out of our paddling pool 206 times and didn't fall in once which was very clever. When Mummy had had enough of my little sisters grunting, she put her to bed for a nap. I then helped Mummy cook. I love cooking but not as much as I think Mummy does. I made a salmon and pea tart for my friend Chris. I whisked the eggs, poured the cream, snipped the chives and ate the frozen peas. When Daddy got home he made a shower from our pear tree. He made it with a plastic tub with 2 holes, a meat-hook and some string. My Daddy is very very clever isn't he? But the best bit by far today was when Mummy let me play with her make-up. I'm very good at make-up. Mummy let me do her up after I'd done myself and we both had lips the colour of red currants. I think I made Mummy look beautiful but she said something about looking like a drag queen - what ever that is.

(not) eating outside

Yesterday was busy but fun. Mummy took me to Asda and didn't shout at me for the first time ever. Last week she whistled at me like a dog when I sat on the floor and wouldn't go to her and lots of people stared and tutted. Mummy turned red and muttered something about never shopping again - that threat didn't last long did it? Anyway, I was as good as gold and I didn't even need any bribes. When we got home my little sister unpacked all the shopping which was very nice of her. Then Mummy quickly tidied the house as lovely Chris and Jim were coming for lunch. t was very lovely to see them. Jim bought me a book with a CD Rom but I know Mummy says the CD won't work on her mac. Umm, I don't believe her. She's a computer hog and doesn't want me to share her connection to the outside world. We ate lunch outside although I didn't eat much at all, just a carrot, I was too busy talking and playing in the hammock and on my scooter. Sitting still and eating is boring when you are 3. Playing on bikes and scooters is so much more exciting but what was more exciting was being given a red bikini. I love it.

camping

Every year we go camping. I love camping. The first time I went I was just 4 weeks old, we went to Southwold. I slept lots and drank lots and Mummy and Daddy didn't sleep lots but drank lots. This weekend we camped in Wells on a big field with lots and lots of tents and children and mosquitoes. Camping makes us all happy and less snappy, especially Mummy who was very, very tearful last week. Mummy didn't even cry when she caught her flip flop in the front wheel of her bike and fell off with my little sister in the seat on the back. We went paddling when it was a marsh tide but the water disappeared really quickly which was odd. I really like the seaside and camping and being outside. I slightly missed Cbeebies but not as much as Daddy missed Big Brother. On Sunday we saw Uncle London Jamie and his fluffy dog Stitch at Grandma and Grandpa's house. I went to the pub with the boys and fell asleep in Daddy's arms while Mummy stayed in and watched the Hungarian Grand Prix. I think she fancies Lewis Hamilton.

shopping

The other morning I woke up with someone in my bed. The person was wearing an eye mask so I thought it must be Mummy. It wasn't, it was Rosie! She came back to my house and snuggled up next to me. I was so happy to see her. I told her that I always had milk and make-up in the morning but that isn't entirely true, I actually only have milk unless I can sneak a bit of lip stick on when no one is looking. Sadly she didn't really believe me but I did get some milk so that was good. Mummy took us into town today. She doesn't do this very often. Apparently it's quite stressful. When we were shopping I managed to try on 6 pairs of shoes, 4 bangles and balance a pair of ear-rings on my ears. My little sister managed to drop 2 pieces of salami, 4 slices of cucumber and her pitta sandwich 4 times on the floor. She also managed to scream with boredom more times than I did all last week. I quite enjoyed shopping and I think Mummy did too. I will try and encourage Mummy to take us into H&M Kids next time. I'm sure I to find a pair of heels that fit me there.

red faced

I have been very tired today (really yesterday) and a little tetchy. My little sister wakes very early then she throws something out of her cot then realises that she wants it back. Pointless. My little sister will then have two more naps in the day to recover from her early morning starts but I won't. I am 3 and a quarter and far too old to nap. Now-a-days I only nap in the car and I can fall asleep within a minute of the car moving. I expect Mummy loves that. We didn't go out in the car today which is why I had some rather uncontrollable tired-person-rants. Lovely Rosie came over today. She's gorgeous. Her Mummy is poorly in hospital so we made her a picture to make her smile. The picture is huge, the size of me, in fact, it is me. Rosie drew around me then we coloured me in only I got distracted with some face paints and coloured my whole face red. Daddy said I looked embarrassed and asked me what I was blushing about. I didn't know what he meant. I did get very upset when Mummy decided that the red on my face should we washed off. I had only just put it on. Why should I take it off? So I cried and stropped and hit out a little then gave in. Then I was a little embarrassed that Rosie saw me that way...

pink lipstick

My cousin Tara looked so beautiful today. I want to look like her when I am 7. She had on leggings with lace, a stripy jersey dress, ballet pumps and was carrying a metallic pink handbag. Not only that, but she was wearing our great grandmas lipstick which is the colour of my pink necklace which must be about 20 years old. That's amazing isn't it? I saw the sea again today but I didn't touch it. It was miles away behind fields with cows eating grass and huge puddles. We picked and ate raspberries at a PYO farm then flew a kite. I held the kite strings whilst holding onto Tara's pink bag which Daddy thought was very clever but a little irritating I think. My little sisters chicken pox have fallen off her face but we don't know where they have gone. I wonder that if we found them and put them under her cot mattress, she would get money from the pox fairies. I will hunt for some later.

sipping cocktails

I missed going to nursery this week, it can be so boring at home with Mummy and and my little sister. We did go to Toys-r-us on Thursday which I thought was amazing but Mummy didn't. She said it was a hideous store. I want to go on holiday in Toys-r-us, they have sweets and pop to drink so I wouldn't starve. We had a lovely trip out in Grandpa's new car yesterday. It's the size and colour of a baby elephant and is really clean not like Mummy's crumby car. Granny came too which means lots and lots of cuddles which I like very much. We went to see the sea and ate ice-creams. I love the sea as much as Granny and want to go again and again. Me and my little sister were little angels and it was very nice to get away from moody Mummy. Sometimes I can't help being grumpy with Mummy too. It just happens. It did when we got home and ate dinner. It's usually dinner that causes problems. Perhaps I should try and sit still and eat rather than be fidget-knickers but I find it really difficult. When Daddy got home I helped him cut the grass. I felt so grown up last when we finished as we sat in the sun drinking cocktails and eating spicy Bombay Mix (which was horrid). I had apple juice with a sprig of lavender. Mummy and Daddy had Pimms. I went straight to sleep after my story and didn't mess about for the first time in ages but that was because my little sister was already fast asleep so we couldn't play 'scream till they snap'. I love that game.

handage

Lots happened yesterday. I now sleep in the big room with my little sister. Mummy now has my room as an office. And Daddy now has lots of space in the basement because Mummy's stuff has gone into my old room, now her office. Yesterday we saw lovely Rosie, Chris, Jim, Julie, Sam, Mia and Stanley the dog which was really really nice. Rosie gave me lots of cuddles which I love very much and some pressies which I love very much too. Jim had a bandage on his hand because he had just had an operation. His hand looked very silly as it was really, really big and rather badly wrapped. Julie said he did it himself which would make sense. We had a delicious BBQ and I ate lots. My little sister didn't, which is unusual. She looked really poorly, with big spots and sad eyes. When we got home, my little sister and I shared the big room for the first time. It was fun only I fell asleep before I could be a nuisance to Mummy and Daddy. I made up for it tonight. Me and my little sister messed around and screamed non stop for about an hour. Daddy was getting fed up which just made it even more fun. I heard Mummy say "do you think boys scream?" It made me think... I bet they do but they don't admit it. I've been quite bored but I have also been quite a little bit moody. I heard rumours that we might go camping today which would have been brilliant but Daddy said it would rain. It didn't. He just wanted to watch the Grand Prix and the Golf. B-o-r-i-n-g.

wet weather dens

Yesterday was very wet - again. We went over to our lovely Granny and Grandpa's house to eat sausages and have cuddles. It rained all the time we were there and the rain kept making the telly funny and not work properly which was very annoying. Granny wanted to watch the golf and I wanted to watch a film. Mummy suggested that I watched a film on Granny's laptop. Clever Mummy. Which meant Granny could try and watch the boring golf only couldn't because of the bad T.V. Grandpa was trying to sleep, Mummy was trying to work and my little sister slept peacefully upstairs. Granny made a den for me with an itchy blanket and her legs as a roof. I love making dens and having food and drink, crayons and paper in them. I don't think I have ever watched a film on a laptop before but I will try and do that again, it was brilliant. Today Mummy and Daddy have said I can sleep in the big bed in my little sisters bedroom. I think they are doing something with my room. I think Mummy wants a work space to make stuff. My little sisters room is the best in the house. It's big and light and airy and will be a fun room to play in. I'm very excited to be in that room with my little sister. I can't wait till bedtime (for once).

raspberry picking

My little sister now has chicken pox only she doesn't seem to be too bothered by them. At the moment, she is emptying my pen and crayon box and sucking on felt tips and glue. She knows she shouldn't do this because every time Mummy turns around to look at her, she stops and smiles sweetly back. Yesterday we went in the car to visit my Great Nana and my Auntie and Cousin. Mummy let me sit in the middle seat in the front of our car which is brilliant as I can kick the radio on and off. I love seeing my cousin Lucy. Auntie Amy was making meringues and she let me help her and then lick the bowl. Daddy's just told Mummy off for letting my little sister eating the contents of my pen box. Naughty Mummy. Yesterday, on the way home, we picked up Mummy's friend Jody who is very sad at the moment. We then went to gather raspberries. We ate lots and Mummy picked lots. I think she's going to make raspberry vodka. What's that? I forgot to wash the shampoo out of my hair last night so I'm going to have another shower. It's a cunning trick. I love showers but not rain showers. They are boring now.

plaits

Today I woke up without any dreadlocks which pleased Mummy lots. This is because I very kindly almost sat still while she put lots of plaits in my hair last night which made my hair curly not knotty in the morning. I really liked the curls but I wouldn't let Mummy plait them again this evening as I didn't want to sit still again. I only sat still yesterday as I persuaded Mummy to paint my finger nails pink. She only painted 2 nails but that was better than no pink nails. This morning Mummy took me to my new nursery school. I did some painting and sticking and gluing and played outside on the trikes and bikes. I think I will really like my new school. They even grow their own snacks. After nursery Mummy decided we would go to Sainsbury's. This is often traumatic for us all as me and my little sister get very bored and tired. Today was different. Mummy decided it would be a good idea if I took my little toy buggy to push that around the shop. Mummy is very cunning as not only did this keep me occupied but it also meant Mummy knew where I was as the buggy makes loud, ratterly noises when I push it. My little sister was very funny. She kept laughing at people then she started shouting. Mummy fed her lots of food to keep her quiet but it didn't really work.

full of latitude

We've been away. Last night we got back very, very late from camping at Latitude Festival. We went on Friday. We left late as Mummy and Daddy are quite disorganised. I was getting really grumpy on Friday and very fed up as I was being told we were going to a festival (what ever that was) and we were going camping. I love camping. But when ever I asked "when?" they just said "when we are ready. Go and sit down and be patient". I do not like doctors or hospitals and I do not want to be a patient so I wasn't. Finally we did leave and it was very exciting until I fell asleep. When I woke up, we were in this huge field with my lovely cousins and friends. There were tents everywhere and I could hear loud music. There were even beach huts and tee-pees but horrid smelly places to have wee-wees. After we had set up camp we went through a beautiful wood, across a lake, past a cat-avan (people dressed up as cats) and up a small hill where there were lots and lots and lots of people and colourful sheep. It was amazing. I was very excited and then we went to see The Magic Numbers. I danced the way I do at home, wiggling my bottom but when I saw people giggle, I stopped. Daddy put me on his shoulders so I could see them and I was the tallest 3 year old there. My little sister slept through some of the music but she really liked Arcade Fire and Scott Matthews and Alan Carr. I really liked the children's corner where we played with bales of straw for ages and ages and watched my uncle's puppet theatre production called The Pedlar of Swaffham in a big tent which was was brilliant. I really loved the festival and want to go again next year. I was very sad to come home but it was really nice to play with my paints again this morning and make jam tarts.

in my prime

I'm being very grumpy but I like it. I'm at my grumpy prime, I'm 3. I've been pushing Mummy and Daddy's to the maximum tonight. I know I have because I can see despair in their eyes and steam coming out of their ears. I think it's because I'm tired and as Mummy will agree (she should know), tolerance and tiredness do not mix very well. I'm still getting over chicken pox (Jody said you catch it from eating chicken, is this true?) and due to still being vaguely ill, I think it's OK to be vaguely vile don't you? Daddy made me giggle earlier, he was trying to get me to "GO TO SLEEP" and every time I reappeared at the door (which was lots) he said "do you want to go camping at the weekend? Well if you do, then GET IN TO BED". So I did... then I got out of bed, reappeared at the door gate and I still know I'll be going camping at the weekend. Guess who won? ME! Mummy's lovely friend Jody looked after me and my little sister this afternoon and she took us to the park by the river which I liked very much. I also liked very much seeing my friend.He is a boy and I met him in the park last week. We have bike races with no hands and play on the slides and he speaks odd sounding words to his Dad which I can't understand. Jody said he was from Turkey. Do you get Turkey Pox if you eat that too?

cruel gruel

Unlike the rest of my family, I don't really like food. My little sister eats more than me and she is half my size. She likes all foods except when Mummy feeds her. She hates being fed. Apparently, my little sister is very clever as she can feed herself with a spoon AND she manages to get nearly all of it her mouth not on the floor. I can't be bothered to eat or feed myself so Mummy has to do it otherwise I really wouldn't eat a thing except crunchy things which I do like - sometimes. I haven't eaten much recently, I've been too busy scratching, moaning about scratching and more scratching. Today Mummy decided to cook a hearty soup to make me better "full of goodness" she said. I helped her chop vegetables and peel carrots and I was even thinking the soup might be nice. It wasn't, it was horrid. Full of barley and lentils and soggy not crunchy vegetables. I know I need to eat as today my skirt fell to the floor in the shops but feeding me gruel is not the answer. Yuck.

plucked

I'm think I look like a freshly plucked chicken. I looked at myself in the mirror today and was quite upset when I saw so many horrid spots. Mummy sometimes gets spots. I always point them out to her but she hasn't pointed ALL mine out to me which is odd. I do feel better today. Not so itchy or sore and perhaps tomorrow I will feel even better. It was really sunny today so I played outside lots. We went and ate roast pork at our friends house where Stanley the dog lives. I played with a small frog the size of my thumb in a sink of brown water but I had to stop when my little sister tried to climb in too. Later we couldn't find the frog. I think Stanley ate it.

owch

I really, really don't like chicken pops. At first I thought "what is the fuss about" now I understand. As you know I am 3, in fact I'm 3 and 3 months and I have never felt so poorly as I have done today. Every single bit of me itches. Even my eyes and ears and mouth. It is horrid and I can't wait for them to go away. Daddy and Mummy keep telling me not to itch but I can't help it. It feels good to scratch them then it feels really sore. My little sister doesn't have chicken pops and when she does get it, I will be very understanding. I hope she doesn't get it as bad as me. Mummy thinks I have as many as 400 spots. I don't even know what that means. Mummy had a good idea and suggested I painted pink calamine lotion on my spots but I think I have too many and it would take too long. Apparently I will feel much better tomorrow and I have also been told that they don't itch when you're asleep. Is that Mummy and Daddy's way of trying to get some peace?

blackmail nails

My skin is getting really itchy and I have spots appearing all the time. I wish Mummy hadn't cut my nails as I could really scratch at them. I only let Mummy cut my nails because I said I would let her if she painted my fingers bright pink but she only painted two nails. I love pink and I love nail polish. Everyday I ask Mummy to touch up my toe nails with polish, sometimes she does sometimes she doesn't. Today she did. Mummy is actually quite smart as she now blackmails me through my pink nails. If I'm being stubborn and naughty, difficult and shouty, she threatens me with the nail polish remover. It works every time.

chicken itch

I did not have chicken last night and now I have chicken pox. Chickens are confusing me. I see them in fields with feet and feathers then I see them with stuffing and gravy with no feathers or feet. And when I ask what chicken pox is Mummy points to the spots on my body which have no feet, beaks or feathers. I think my sister has spots too. She is turning into my naughty little sister. She screams when we are eating and I don't like it. She then wipes all her food on the table which I do like but Mummy doesn't. Today we did eat the chicken we cooked last night and it was far nicer than the smelly fish. We had it with peas, green beans gravy and lumpy, yucky mash potato. Even my little sister thought it was disgusting and she eats everything. Today George came to play with me. George and I always argue. We can't help it. We like it. I like George, he throws balls very well and jumps very high. We found a black ladybird with red spots, is it true they are bad?

chicken switch

I have started growling at Mummy when she is being unreasonable. It is a deep "OOhhhhrrrgghhhh" sound which I like to make when I really don't want to do something. Mummy obviously does not like me making this noise as she turns away and hums. How annoying is that? Doesn't she realise I'm just copying her. Even my little sister has stared making very annoying noises. She makes loud and repetative sounds to get attention. Of course it works as they are so loud and repetative and everyone gets annoyed. Every day my little sister is getting more funny. When she wakes from her naps I run upstairs and climb into her cot and hide under her blanket and tickle her and tease her. She loves it when I am in her cot and Mummy loves it as she knows neither of us can climb out on our own. I helped Mummy stuff a chicken for supper tonight. We put herbs and bacon and butter under the skin and then baked it and smelt delicious. Then when me and my little sister came to sit down and eat chicken, it wasn't on the plate, disgusting tinned mackerel was instead. What was all that about? To show my annoyance I dribbled my juice on the table. I knew this would get Mummy cross - it did. hurrah.

i love lidls

Like Mummy, I'm actually getting rather fed up with this miserable wet weather. But unlike Mummy I'm not too bothered about getting the washing dry or feeling trapped indoors. It does not worry me when I play outside and get wet as it means I get to wear my favourite swimsuit that use to belong to my big cousin. Sometimes I like to wear the spotty swimsuit in the bath. Sometimes I just like to wear under my clothes although that does cause problems at times. Yesterday Mummy promised me a trip to Lidls to buy new water colour paints and paper but we didn't go. We went today instead. I love Lidls. It's probably the only store that lets me ride around on my pink bicycle. Before we left to go on our cycle ride to Lidls Mummy tripped and fell into our herb garden whilst holding my little sister. She was very cross and mumbled something and my little sister cried lots. I haven't been to bed on time for 4 nights in a row. Last night I went to an 18th birthday. There were lots of girls with lovely hair and make-up and pretty shoes. I can't wait to be as tall as them. I don't like looking at thighs all the time and I want to wear heels that fit me properly.

i am not a dog

I was desperate for my Mummy to look at me this afternoon but she just wouldn't do it. I know why. It was because I had covered my whole face with blue water colour paint. I started with the cheeks, moved on to the lips, then painted big strips over each eye. I looked great, I know I did AND my Mummy knew I did too only she wouldn't look at me. Why do parents do that ignoring thing? It may work for dogs 'only give praise for good behaviour and always ignore bad' but what I had done wasn't bad it was creative and inventive and was surely worthy of some sort of smirk. Tomorrow I will try and make Mummy crack. I know she is only moments away from laughing. Perhaps if I paint my little sisters face instead of mine and give her a more professional make-up application she will not only laugh but see my awakening talent too.

feta bribes

Today has been a bit gloomy because Mummy has been a bit moody. I didn't help matters by painting the soles of my feet with mucky coloured paint and walking on the floor which is only chipboard so I can't really see what the problem is. My little sister then crawled over and started eating the paint off one of the brushes. She not only covered her lips, tongue and cheeks with black paint but she got it all over her clothes too. Mummy got really cross and dumped us both in the shower but we really like showers so we weren't upset or bothered at all. Thankfully Mummy's friend popped over at lunch time and bought them a fresh crab to eat which for some reason cheered her up no end. Then Grandma came over in the afternoon which was a lovely surprise. My little sister gave her cuddles and I gave her some sweet peas. At supper time, Mummy put small whites cubes of cheese on my plate and when I asked her what it was she just said "Feta". She did not say "feta cheese" because I don't like cheese. I knew I was being duped so I took them off my plate. But then Mummy told me they tasted like olives so I ate one and I actually really liked it. I then ate more and Mummy bribed me with a feta square every time I looked like I wasn't going to eat my meal. Bribing is bad - isn't it?

mr manners

Today I went to nursery which was good fun. Then I came back and made cakes with play-dough while Mummy made biscuits - again. My little sister was asleep for ages this afternoon which was nice. Some times I like the peace and quiet like Mummy but I would never tell her. Granny and Grandpa dropped in this afternoon. Granny was a little tipsy and had pink cheeks. Grandpa wasn't tipsy and didn't have pink cheeks because he was driving. I gave Grandpa a cuddle today for the first time ever. I think it made him very happy. This is a picture of Mr Manners. I know manners are important because I am always being told they are. Mr manners frowns when I forget to say please and thank you and smile and wait for people to answer. He should be smiling today because I have been a good girl. I know I have been because Mummy has told me.

loo roll

Mum's a bit moody today. I think the lack of sunshine and the endless supply of wet weather are dampening her sense of humour. I didn't exactly help its dwindling supply when I unravelled a new loo roll for about the 12th time. She was very cross but she totally over reacted as usual. After she had calmed down, she took us to see some friends who live by the sea about an hour away. I snoozed but my little sister didn't - much to mummy's annoyance I expect. She likes it when she can drive in silence and when I don't keep asking questions. On the way back she stopped off at a nursery to buy plants and potatoes and eggs. She took me into the big greenhouse where I sniffed all the different types of flowers. I pretended every plant smelt delicious but the truth was that only the carnations did and I don't like them much. When we got home I ate some cornflakes Mummy had just bought. I never eat breakfast and I knew this would stir some sort of remark as it was nearly supper time. It did. I won.

first post

I am 3 and my sister is 1 and a bit. My little sister is probably going to be the naughty one but right now it's me who's performs the best strops. You see, I'm learning to talk. I can string sentences together and I now get reactions. I like it. I even said 'God' repetitively at the dinner table but both Mummy and Daddy tried to correct me and kept saying 'gosh'. Next time they say God, I will say 'Gosh' to them. They're lucky I'm not saying 'Jesus Christ', that's what I hear them saying all the time. I'll try that one next...I bet they say, "you mean cheese and rice don't you"? Parents can be so patronising.